Think I'm a 3-year-old kid?

It does not need a tech savvy person to realize those emails that request for assistance of transferring funds in exchange of getting a huge carrot off it are nothing but scams. What’s worse is that even though these cheats are widely publicized, there are always people falling for the bait.

I received one again today, and I’m so sick and tired of receiving them! Instead of chucking the scamdalous email away as spam, I thought it might be fun to act stupid, pretend to fall into the trap and make these clowns look even more stupid.

Here’s the email: (Freaking grandmother story littered with spelling and grammatical mistakes)

From Miss jane Kamara.
Abidjan, Cote D'Ivoire.
West Africa.
Avenue 12 Rue Reine Abla Poku,
12 Bp 7854 Abj 12, Cote D'Ivoire.

Dearest one,
It is my pleasure to write you after consideration, since I can not be able to see you face to face, at first, please I need your help. I am Miss Jane Kamara, the only Daughter of late Mr & Mrs Richard Kamara, from Cote D'Ivoire. (I am 22years of age.) My father was a liability Cocoa and Gold merchant in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire before his untimely death. After his business trip to Tunisia, to nagociate on a cocoa and gold business he wanted to invest in Tunisia, a week after he came back from Tunisia, he got an accident with my mother of which my mother died instantly but my father died five days after in a private hospital. On that faithful afternoon, I didn t know that my father was going to leave me after I had earlier lost my mother, but before he gave up the ghost, it was as if he knew he was going to die. He my father, (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) he called me to his bed side and told me that he deposited the sum of ($12,500,000.00) Twelve Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars in a bank here in Cote D'Ivoire.

That the money was meant for his cocoa and Gold business he wanted to establish in Tunisia, according to my father he deposited the money in a fixed suspense account using my name as the next of kin, He instructed me to seek for a reliable and trust worthy business partner for my life time investment abroad. Now I have succeeded in locating the deposit documents and the bank where this money is here in Abidjan, Cote D'Ivoire. Due to war in my country Cote D'Ivoire., I am now seeking for your assistance to help me transfer this money out from my country Cote D'Ivoire to your account abroad so that we should invest it in any meaningful and lucrative business in your country because this is my only hope in life. I am willing to offer you 15% of the total fund if only you can help me out of my present predicame.

I seek your assistance in the follwing ways:

(1.) To provide a bank account where this money can be transfered into.
(2.) To make arrangements for me to come over to your country after the successful transfering of this money into your account, to come and further my education.
(3.) To help invest this money in a profitable business since I am only 22yrs of age and do not know much about business.
(4) To sponsor me transfer this money into your account,
(5). I want you to promise me that you are not going to betray me after the money gets into your account.

The worst part of it is that my uncle is trying to kill me over this money because I refused to hand him over the documents covering this money, He has sold all my father's landed properties including his cars which rightful belong to me and now he want me to hand over the banking document of my father in my possesion which I refused. Now he said that he will have this money by all means even if it means killing me, so because of this I ran away from home and hide in a hotel,pending when this money will be transfered so that I can leave the country for my safty.

Please reply

Thank's and God bless you.
Yours sincerely,
Miss jane Kamara

Wow! A kind lady wants my help and trusts me to transfer US$12.5 million into my account! Why should I not respond to this SOS message? Here’s my reply:

Hi Miss Kamara,

It's my pleasure to receive your request for help and I would very much like to assist you.
Please refer to the below for my contact info:

New Phoenix Park
28 Irrawaddy Road
Singapore 329560

Tel: (+65) 6353 0000

Alternatively, please continue to email me to see how I can help you. Thank you.

Regards,
Me

I had to write in a ‘solemn’ manner so I sound serious enough. But guess what? The address and contact details belongs to the Singapore Police Headquarters!

Nevertheless, the follow-up to my reply came in less than an hour later…

Good-day,dearest J****** (my real name – at least it shows that it’s not an automated reply)
Thank you for your mail. aturelly i did not know you before but someone have to take a risk before achieving his or her hart desire al due i pray and fast over this matter and i ask God to direct me to the right person who will not betray me after transfering my money into his or her account and i belive that God will never direct me to the wrong person because he know's my stuation. so i am with strong mind that you are the right person to my problem. so i want you to please assist me transfer this money and help me to relocate to stay with you and have a good and meaningful Life there with you.i went to the bank with your address information which you send to me and introduce you to the bank as my partiner who the money will be transfered on his account and i get there contact and the bank manager say's that there will like to hear from you so i will like you to contact them today so that there will know that we are serious.and instruct them on how to transfer this money to your account.

Here is the contact of the bank:

Bank Name:COBACI BANK
Compagnie Bancaire de l'Atlantique Cote d'Ivoire
Bank Email: customers.cobaci@voila.fr
Bank Tel: +22508 46 6084
Bank Fax: +225 2527 9686
Bank Director :Mr.Bruno Koffi

The bank told me that they are going to start the transfer immediately they hear from you .
So please try to do your possible best to help me out.
Show me your interest to help me out.
The amount is US$12.5million.
Jane Kamara

I am waiting to hear from you today, if there's anyother thing you wish to know about me, please fell free to ask I will tell you more.
I will send my pictures to you in my next mail for you to know who you are doing things with. Thank and may God Bless you.
Yours Sincerely
jane

Oh dear Ms. Jane, I think you really need some real help. I'll arrange to transfer the funds first, then I’ll make sure I’ll set you up for English classes. Your pathetic English is killing my eyes!

Once more, I followed up fairly quickly…

Hi Ms. Kamara,

I'm going to call the bank. But how will the bank trust me if I don't have your details? Can I have your full name, address and other contact details so the bank will listen to me? Thank you.

I have gotten a reply asking me to call the bank which I'll just ignore. I not stupid okay!